I finally sold out. Completely and utterly, leaving no stone unturned, sold out to my God and Father.
I’m sure, especially across my social media pages, people wonder why I am constantly talking about Jesus. Why I’m constantly sharing the Word of God. Constantly thankful for even the small things. Constantly offering to pray for and with people.
The answer is easy: I’m completely sold out to my God and King!
But it’s not as simple as “I’m saved and wanna share”. No, for me there’s more to it than that. It’s a little more personal. I’ll try my best to explain that.
At My Lowest Point
God saved me when I was still a senior in high school. I hadn’t even started to experience life yet. At that point, I wasn’t sold out to anything. As my Daddy always said, “You don’t know anything until you’re at least 30 years old”, but of course, I couldn’t know what he was talking about then.
All those things that I thought were just “the end” of my life, and things that I would “never get over” were nothing! Believe me, you don’t know heartbreak, you don’t know what pain even means, until you have children. Everything that hurts them, hurts you. Or it should! If they cry, you cry. If they’re happy, you’re happy.
I’ve heard it said, and it’s true, that having a child is to watch your heart walk around outside your body.
I eventually left my “first love”, my salvation, my God and King. But I wasn’t sold out. Foolishly, I left the shelter of all that He had for me. I eventually found myself with a marriage that was ending, thanks to alcohol among other things. I found myself mean, hateful, spiteful, bitter and setting a horrible example for my hearts, my children.
Not only was I not the Godly wife that my husband deserved and so desperately needed, I wasn’t the Godly mother my children needed at that time either.
And then my daughter was taken away from me.
I Would Have Welcomed Death
At that point, watching social workers walk out with my only daughter, I dropped to my knees. While I was screaming I was praying for God to just take me on out of this world. What did I have left? I was separated from my best friend, the love of my life, my husband. And now I had lost my daughter.
A few things kept me from being sold out to killing myself, even though I considered it many times. The first was my oldest son. He was more of a rock at his young age, and even with autism, than I could ever imagined him being. I thank God that he was with me. He encouraged me when it was just me and him and he could see when I was devolving. God moved more through him than anyone else, I think, during that time. Because he was with me all day every day.
The second was the fact that I had to get my daughter back. There are a lot of details that made the process longer than it should have been, none of which I had control over. But getting her back was on the top of my list. Because I realized, I wasn’t the only one hurting.
I found out some time later, that she had started cutting herself. A few times, I thought she’d still be better off without me. But the more I talked to her and what she was going through where she was at, the more I decided that wasn’t true at all. She had to be rescued and I would do anything to make sure that happened.
Through It All
When everything was said and done, it took a year to get my daughter back home. My husband and I had reconciled as well, and so we were a family again. Have been ever since. And I haven’t failed to give God the due praise since then! I will NOT fail, from this point on, to make Him the most important thing in my life! Because without Him, I wouldn’t have THEM.
But herein lies the reason I am so vehement, so open, about my faith.
During all that time when I was at my very lowest point, NO ONE offered to pray with me. Now let me quickly add that I had plenty people praying FOR me, and I can’t express my gratitude for that. I’m sure it was through those prayers that God had mercy on me to the point that He did. I’ll never forget each and every one who told me they were praying. And those who were physically there when I really and truly needed it.
However, here’s a good example of what I’m talking about. At the time, I had a job and both my boss and my manager were “christians” who faithfully attended church. They were good, upstanding people in the community. Now maybe they didn’t want to mix their faith with their employees (big mistake in my opinion, but that’s God’s call), but they never once encouraged me with the Word. They never offered to pray with me. Not once did they mention God at all.
In fact, not one person ever came with the sole intent of ministering to me in any way. Thinking back on it, I think that was one of the saddest things of all. That I didn’t have enough truly Godly friends to do and say what needed to be done and said at the hardest time in my life.
Share Your Faith!
In this world, it isn’t popular. In some places it’s not even safe! But it is your duty, our duty, if we are a child of God, to be His Ambassador here on earth.
Reach out to the downhearted, the lonely, the lost. Don’t think you’re too good to reach out to someone you think is a drunk. Don’t consider yourself too good to hang out with someone who hasn’t been to church in years. Please don’t leave those addicted to drugs or porn or anything else alone in their pit.
It’s not where God wants them to be!
But who’s going to tell them that? Who’s going to let them know there’s a better way? There is peace and grace and forgiveness at the foot of the Cross. Jesus can put all the broken pieces all back together again if we’ll let him. But in the midst of the pit, it’s hard to see that.
You don’t think it’s your business? Before the Roman soldiers arrested Jesus in the garden that night, He prayed that we – believers, Christians, His CHILDREN – would be ONE. He prayed for us, knowing our fickle flesh would betray all that we are to be IN HIM. We can’t BE “one” in Him or in any other way if we aren’t willing to reach out to someone who needs Him.
No, please don’t be afraid to reach out. Who knows if something you do or say will be the one thing that keeps them from giving in to the enemy and ending their life? Something YOU say or do could turn their life around and head them back in God’s direction.
You might not even see the full culmination of it, but you will have made a difference. You will have at least been the hands, feet or maybe even the mouthpiece for God to use in their lives.
I know it would have given me a lot more hope. Especially if that someone who reached out had been where I was.
So That’s Why
Now, maybe you see why it means so much to me. This is exactly why I’m 100% sold out. Why I do the things I do and say the things I say. Jesus saved my life, plain and simple. He saved my marriage and gave me back a life I probably don’t even deserve. But He is faithful, His mercy and grace endures forever. I have to tell that story.
Who knows? Maybe I’ll just keep on making people think I’m crazy. Or maybe, just maybe, God willing, I will be the voice in the darkness for someone who needs to know they are worth more than they think they are worth.
Is that you today? If you are IN that dark place, let me be the one to tell you, the blood Jesus shed on Calvary is more than enough to cover you too!
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter where you’re at. If you will just turn to him, repent of the things you need to repent of, and put your faith in Him, it will be a brand new beginning! You don’t have to wait until you are in a church building. You don’t have to wait until you “get your sins together”. And you certainly don’t have to wait until you’re in a better place!
He was hanging on the cross when he accepted the thief hanging right beside Him. He can certainly turn His eyes to you, no matter what’s going on. And if you don’t have anyone to pray with, please, contact me. I’ll pray with You.
Because I KNOW what a difference He can and will make!