There was always a kind of knowing that He would find me. Eventually. I just didn’t know it would be like this. All the stories I’d heard said that if I just believed, it would all be alright. That I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. That no matter what, I could be with Him when it was all said and done.
Something deep inside of me… something already connected to Him on a plane I yet knew nothing about… refused that line of rubbish. Kept me searching. Seeking. Always reaching for the Truth I did not yet know about.
They say that deep calls to deep, and when I first heard the fact, I didn’t understand it. Especially when my own “deep” was foreign to me.
Still, my acknowledgment meant nothing. Changed nothing. That is what that feeling was, I know, looking back on it all. The way that “nothing filled the void” and nothing seemed to satisfy. Not drinking. Not drugs. Not parties or music or shenanigans or thrill-seeking. Not fast cars or late-night diners or walks in the dark with people I hardly knew. Not rubbing elbows with the “famous” people I admired, not being the center of attention, not honing my skills. Literally… nothing.
Sill, I always knew He would find me.
I guess, in reality, I counted on it. When my true searching started, it started with the realization that so much of what had been preached to be “fact” across a wide variety of pulpits just didn’t line up. Not only did they vastly differ from one another, they looked nothing like the things I was beginning to see within the Scriptures themselves! And isn’t that what we’re supposed to be dependent upon? The very Word of God?
I remember writing a post a few years ago entitled “It’s a Matter of Life and Death“.
In that post, I talked about traditions of men, and knowing a tree by its fruit. I lamented the translations of the Bible and the “once-saved-always-saved” doctrine that to this day, appears to be nothing more than a doctrine of devils. God forbid that we should be comfortable enough in our sin to believe Jesus will “overlook it” on the great day of judgment!
No, I knew He would find me, because the Word says that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. If we study to show ourselves approved, a workman unto God, that doesn’t need to be ashamed, we WILL find the path.
Since He found me, He has set a blaze in my spirit, rekindled my prayer tongue, and given me a clearer vision of my specific ministry. I didn’t just go through years of garbage, lies, loss, addiction, suicidal tendencies and attempts, and total rock-bottom, finally, just to walk away from it and forget it.
No, no, no… our testimony is powerful against the enemy. And not just for us, but for those who see it, and those who can look at it or hear it and gain strength from it. Why do you think that the Scripture tells us that we overcome by the Blood of the Lamb AND the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:11)?
And that’s why, as we are currently in what feels like the eye of a storm, we – my husband and I – can be content knowing that His plan will ALWAYS prevail. As we step from one platform we’ve known for several years to one that is completely foreign and unknown to us, we trust and believe that His plans have a purpose that we may not even see yet. And that is okay!
No matter where our feet tread on this earth, our plan and mission remain the same… to preach the Good News of the Gospel… to preach deliverance… to preach healing… to preach liberty… and so much more! To pick up the instruments of praise, that have been TOO LONG held captive by the enemy of our very souls, and raise the banner high, that He who was, and is, and is to come, is still seeking those that will come and be made whole.
There is a life-purpose in everyone that has breath. If you somehow still see a line in the sand between “secular life” and “religion” then I encourage you to dive a little deeper into the Scriptures. We are to BE salt and light, and use every opportunity to speak of His goodness, wherever there is an ear to hear!
Yes, I knew He would always find me. And I will never stop praising Him for it! Can you feel Him searching for you too? If so, read, pray, study, and get connected with a New Testament-based, Bible-believing church as soon as you can. It will change your life!
And then you will know too.