I watched a Billy Cole sermon on YouTube tonight, and it was SO GOOD! But I have to say, it was pretty convicting too. I don’t mean that in a bad way. In reality, I needed a shaking of some sort. Well… I’ve been EXPECTING ONE, is a better way to say it. I knew it was a matter of time.
I’ve said it before that “I am an introvert.”. Well, I pulled that statement earlier last year to say that I was a “recovered” introvert. It was more a declaration in faith, actually. Knowing not only would Jesus change my introversion for Kingdom purposes, but that He has a job for me that requires EXTROversion. I stood on my statement in situations where I clearly had panic attacks. Actually, I took them and myself outside the building to regroup, just Jesus and me. I don’t think anyone else knew it, other than those I told for prayer support.
But I assure you they were real!
But sometimes ago, a few months maybe, I hit a pocket of… I don’t know that I can call it introversion because I’m not really in a situation where I choose to interact with many people anyway. In my mind, I have thought it to be like “cave-dwelling” on purpose, but that’s not really an accurate view of the situation either. I don’t know anything to call it, really, other than just a time of extreme quietness… pensiveness… alone-time.
Usually, I post a lot on social media. I’ve always said that the Word is like a fire shut up in my bones, and I just have to tell somebody all the time. But even that seems suspended through this time of whatever it is that’s gone on. And the few blog posts I’ve posted during this time were drafts that I had mostly finished much earlier than their posting date.
In some ways, it’s been refreshing. God has been revealing things to me…FOR ME…and I’ve learned a lot. The Holy Spirit truly does bring those things to remembrance when you need them, and I am so thankful for that. I thought, well, maybe this is a season where I’m supposed to embrace my introversion again for a season? Maybe, with the quarantine and all that, it’s just not TIME for anything else? Or maybe a voice like mine isn’t needed right now? Maybe there are ENOUGH people saying the same things, and if I add my voice to the mix, it will become useless?
(Even though I knew none of that was true. ISN’T true.)
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been getting little bits of truth, pieces of confirmation, and some blatant words of… “encouragement” 🙂 and for the longest time, I overlooked them. It was one of those, “Well, that feels personal, but that’s just in my head. That’s just me.” Funny thing is, when God says something, He repeats Himself until you “get it.” Thank God for that!
And then tonight, Brother Cole’s sermon really hit home. He was addressing the BOTT (Because of the Times) conference, so it was really only for ministers, I think. But he was talking about how there can be a great love for God and a great commitment to learning and studying God’s Word, and still, we will miss that “next level” because we are not dedicated to one another in the Body. Whoa. Right?
Of course, his sermon (hyperlinked in the first sentence) did a much better job of explaining the whole thing, but it’s left a certain taste in my spiritual mouth. Do I really dedicate myself to the Body? I mean, as a whole, not just those people I know? He was talking about the difference in how believers act overseas as opposed to the way they act over here, and it made a lot of sense. We talk about not seeing miracles as they are spoken of in the Bible, but it’s not because they aren’t happening… they just aren’t happening HERE. Yeah, I know that’s controversial, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And he said it’s because of the difference in dynamics concerning the connection, commitment, and LOVE in the Body of Christ.
And then he talked about a time when he felt like he had lost HIS way. His own cave-dwelling episode, if you will, when he felt like he had no faith and he just couldn’t do what God had told him to do. It was pretty wild to listen to this giant of an evangelist and missionary speak on such a personal level, but – and again, I felt like it was for me to hear, right now. The sermon was from decades ago, and I think God knew that somewhere through the sands of time, I would be sitting here listening to it. (Yeah, me and about a million other people, lol.)
The point is, our TESTIMONY is powerful. I think I’ve even said that, in past posts for sure, but in my personal life as well. And every time I think or speak about “testimony,” it reminds me that the book of Revelations tells us that the TESTIMONY of Jesus is the Spirit of prophecy. How cool is that? I mean, “the testimony of Jesus” is really anything we say about Him. So, that Spirit of prophecy is actually more abundant and at work than we might think.
So, I guess I’m taking account right now. Trying to stir up that gift inside me in order to get back into the groove of things.
I know it’s time.