I’ve been in a total funk lately. Well… I should say “for too long”! Do you ever just have a season that seems as dry as the most distant desert? Like you don’t even have the strength to stand up, spiritually speaking? I don’t know why it’s surprising when it comes, but it sure is pressing when you’re in the middle of it.
No weapon formed against us will prosper… but I think sometimes we forget the weapon WILL FORM.
And sometimes it’s us!
I don’t know how to explain my situation. Whether you’d call it a “quiet time” or “isolation” or something else altogether. I don’t guess it matters. I have been the furthest thing from myself. And I’m not too fond of it. And I’m pretty sure God doesn’t like it.
I was lamenting my emotions to my husband earlier today about not sharing things the way I have for, oh, about five or six years now. He listened, just like he always does, and then he told me not to dare quit sharing.
I admit I was kind of taken aback by the statement. Don’t get me wrong, I know he supports me in my blogging and in the things I do on social media. He makes it a point to squeeze my book into conversations he has with people here and there when he feels like it’s relevant. If someone needs an ear or a shoulder, he often sends them my way because he knows where I stand.
And here, all this time, I’ve just been silent and still and quiet. Oh, I have that fire shut up in my bones, I just haven’t felt qualified to provide it an outlet. Funny how even when nothing has actually “changed,” you just suddenly get this idea you’re just not good enough.
Boo-hoo. It’s bad enough to feel it. It’s hell’s inferno to admit it.
But here I am.
I might not have been so quick to get back on here and speak so candidly, but today has just been “one of those days.” From the time I woke up (with far too little sleep, to start with) until just about an hour ago, it’s been one confirmation after another. Emails. Messages. Social media posts.
And then that conversation with my husband, thrown in for good measure.
I don’t know exactly what God has planned. And I dare say I don’t even want to assume, even if I feel quite sure because things just HAPPEN and then DON’T HAPPEN, or they ARE, and then they’re NOT. I guess it’s coming to a place where you think, “Jesus, I have always listened for Your instructions and followed them to the best of my ability. Now, it’s almost like I’m not hearing anything at all, or hearing something that’s not really from you. What’s going on??”
And then I was reminded, most recently, that when the disciples were in the boat in Mark 4, at JESUS’ instruction, nonetheless, they woke Him up as the storm raged on and the winds blew, and the water filled the boat… and they said, “Jesus, don’t you care that we’re all gonna die?!”
Jesus got up, rebuked the waves, and SPOKE…
“Peace, be still.”
But then He turned right around and rebuked their lack of faith too!
(Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief!)
He called them into the boat. He said they were “going over,” AND THEY DID. But right smack in the middle of it all, when things didn’t look all bright and shiny and perfect, they assumed Jesus would just nap through their total demise as if He didn’t care at all.
In my own life, I’ve sat with my head down… you might even say, with it buried in the sand, knowing full well that He called my family and me to “go over” a certain way. What right do I have, in the MIDDLE, to question that?
On the other hand, I could say I’m not usable.
No, seriously… I could say that.
But, I imagine, about the time the “cock crew” after Peter had denied Jesus the third time… when the Lord turned and looked straight at him… well, I guess he thought he was done for, too. And we all know how that turned out.
Sometimes, the best you can do is what Jesus told you to do the first time. After all, when WE are weak, that’s when HE is strong. Sometimes OUR stumbling or OUR fall is just a path to where He wants us, as it was with so many throughout the Scriptures. And after having done all to stand…
STAND THEREFORE.
Was not able to read your post. There was a huge ad blocking the post. “I want in”, was the headline. Asking for you to sign up. I could not find a way to take the ad down.
It should be checked into because your post started out great.
Thank you so much for letting me know! I changed email servers and I wondered how that was going to work. I will make the necessary changes, so please check back again!
I sure will!
Awesome! Thank you 🙂
Oh Stacey! This just spoke straight to my heart! That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling as of late, like a burnt grilled cheese! I’ve spent this past week nursing a cold and trying to get some much needed rest. I need to get caught up on your posts! Forgive me. If I don’t see your posts in my notifications and try to click on your name from my email notification or even the Twitter feed, when I go to comment, it asks for my email. 🤦♀️ That’s from my phone app.
So frustrating! And it does this with others, too.
It’s good to have your hubby rooting for you in the amen corner! 🙂
Oh, bless your heart, Sis! I had to giggle at that “grilled cheese” comment though! 🙂 Every time I make one now, I think of your post from a while back and have to smile. Ain’t that how it goes sometimes?? I’ve been dealing with sinuses and allergies this week too, so I’m in the same boat with you there, for sure. And it took me forever to figure out that email thing! Every time I try to do something from my phone it does that! And it is TOTALLY frustrating, lol. No worries on you getting caught up though 😉 Remember, I always say God’s timing is perfect. I know it’s the same with blog posts. I love ya, girl!! Thank you for visiting!
So sorry you’ve been dealing with your sinuses, too! It’s frustrating! Now that is funny, every time you cook up a grilled cheese, you will be thinking of me! Love it! 💜 So glad of God’s perfect timing!
Lol, yes!! WOOHOO 🙂 This, too, shall pass I think 🙂
You matter by the way! Every word you spoke is gifted from God. You just have that way with words! 💜
Aww, you are seriously TOO SWEET, Renee! <3 I really appreciate that, and I know He's called me for something. I might as well well stick my iron in the fire and see what happens, lol :-) He is so good to put us to work for the Kingdom, isn't He?? <3 <3 <3
Well it’s easy to speak the truth when it is the truth! I surely believe God has called you! I love it! (Stick your iron in the fire 😍)Love those analogies! Yes indeed, my friend! Get the fire going!💜💃🏼
Lol. I’m definitely stoking those little embers! Sometimes, that’s all it takes, Amen? 😉
Amen to that! Just a little ember.🙌🏼🔥
The valley. The waiting time. The mess that is this life. Thank you for describing it so well. Maneuvering through the mud is hard, and it is so easy to get discouraged. Sometimes all we can do is stand, but stand victoriously. Blessings, Sister!
Praise the Lord, Amen! 🙂 Thank you!